Retired Guild history

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Retired Guild history

Post by Phaeton » 04 May 2010, 15:20

If I could turn back timeeeee…

“A chance encounter, saved from slavery to the Iron Horde in Tanaan Jungle, you did not know what destiny held in store for you. Repeatedly throwing yourself into the fray, you did not just sit idly by and wait for our allies from Azeroth to save us. You led the charge on behalf of Draenor, and you rose to the heroic burden placed on your shoulders. So do not kneel before us my lady. Rise. Rise as the champion you are Exarch Eeyrel… Iryil?”
“No, Yrel.”
“Oh fine, whatever.”

Transcript of the induction of Exarch Eeyeeril into the Champion’s Hall of Fame.

Previously on Doctor Who…I mean World of Warcraft, we encountered a time travel paradox that allowed us to travel to Draenor (otherwise known as “Pre-Outlands” or “What the Outlands jigsaw puzzle makes”). Well it was that or someone altered the electrical current from AC to DC on the Outlands portal and caused it to change from green to red enabling time travel. Who knew science was so easy.

Anyway due to a gigantic plot device (covered in an out-of-game novel) Generic Orc Hellscream had escaped through the portal to prevent the corruption of the Orcs through drinking green goop (Spoiler – the timeline always corrects itself!). In combination with using the technologies he had developed during his tenure as Warchief and currying favour with the Warlords of Draenor, he succeeded in his plan of uniting the various clans as the Iron Horde.

So once again it was up to the budding adventurers (read either people too dumb to ask questions or had nothing left to live for) to embark on a suicidal, possibly one way, mission, through the Red Outland portal. Would the tales of a new talent tier, Draenor Perks and the legendary multistrike stat be enough to ensure our victory? No one would know for certain until it was too late. But at the very least, you would get to play Farmville in 3D.

Orcish Christ Superstar…
(wait that isn’t Thralls class? Who knew…)

Once you stepped through the Multi-Coloured Dreamportal, you were pleasantly turfed into the ‘Tannan’ Jungle intro experience (trust me – according to signs present since early WoD Beta, it was Tannan Jungle, until around Patch 6.1. Just ask Phae who reported it a bajillionty times.)

This was a quick introduction to the initial ‘big bads’ of the expansion like Kilrogg Oneeye, Kargath Onehand, Gul’dan Onetrickpony etc, and some Legion spoilers in that Khadgar already seemed to have access to tri-spec with Fire, Frost and Arcane at his disposal. After this, you are quickly whisked away to the beautiful Shadowmoon Valley…or Frostfire Ridge for the Horde scum among you… to set up your base of operations for your stay on Draenor.

Garrisons were well-intended. It was something that people either took to with zeal, turning multiple alt garrisons into some sort of feverish mission related mini-game, or they seethed at the dependence and gating garrisons imposed on them. Essentially garrisons inflicted a myriad of lethargic diseases on our heroes, who developed gout after putting on 20 or so pounds, by just logging in to give a few kamikaze orders, and log back out again. Except the leatherworkers. They stayed skinny.

A few rounds of Garrison Gear Roulette later and we were ready to gather everyone up and head into Highmaul.

We found nothing too taxing at the start of Highmaul, though I felt a bit sorry for Kargath Onehand being relegated to the intro boss of the expansion (better than being shoved at the end of a dungeon though I guess…*cough* Nerz’hul *cough*). The first few initial bosses were actually more of a healing test, with The Butcher as the first real stress test healers had since the most recent re-re-re-redesign of healing, and Brackenspore providing the token healing mini-game encounter of the expansion (OMG HEAL THE RIGHT ONE). Other fights in Highmaul added…different mechanics for us to deal with. Tectus introduced ridiculous camera angles, Twin Ogron demonstrated fire does really make people run around like headless chickens, and Ko’rath proved a real pain in the ass if the damage type of your raid was heavily imbalanced to one side (like ours >.<).

And then we had Imperator Mar’gok. This fight was long, it trained our healers how to conserve mana and how to be properly angry at dps that got hit by crap, as for the first time in a veryyyyyyy long time, setting off avoidable mechanics like the sparkle-swirl bombs (actual name) on the floor may have been survivable, but the mana it ate up would only wipe you 3 or 4 minutes later into the encounter.
Blackrock Foundry opened its gates just in time as we got our re-kills on Mar’gok and Highmaul was truly trounced. And it offered up a plethora of bizarre encounters. They ranged from fights like Gruul and Beastlord Darmak, which had a nice pace and provided a smooth intro, to things like Hans’gar & Franzok and Operator Thogar which were actually just a bit mental with conveyor belts, stampers and trains.

Then again, it also included special encounters like Oregorger (who we initially tried and then avoided until the other wings were clear) and Blast Furnace, that caused you to die a little inside each time you reached it and where we ended up having an Officer prayer group meeting of “Oh dear god please don’t let it be a clusterfuck.” Every raid has those encounters though. They join a special list in the dark dark part of your heart.

And then we had Blackhand. Quite possibly the shortest end of raid boss ever, but frankly quite brutal as well. Everyone had a role. Getting mushed and flung onto balconies, kiting Siegemakers around a room, playing hide and seek with Blizzards new favourite mechanic “This arrow will hurt your face”, or in the case of healers, cry, as you realise you are incapable of healing all the damage while everyone’s running about and thingsarehappeningtooquicklyandwhywontthatfuckinghunterstandstillllllll.

It was short. It was vicious. And it was oddly not as satisfying as Mar’gok.

When 6.2 went live, people realised they had forgot entirely about a whole zone on Draenor (we don’t speak of Farahlon), the newly rediscovered Tanaan Jungle (Tannan Jungle with a coat of green paint.)

And smack bang in the middle was Hellfire Citadel, another collection of peculiar battles. Thankfully, and this is true for the whole expansion, due to the addition of flexible raid sizes in Warlords of Draenor, we rarely found a raid night where we couldn’t work towards progression (though this did result in us clearing content much quicker than we are normally used to.)

Hellfire Citadel was mostly plain sailing, from Trashwave Assault to Forgettable High Council. Even the terrifying game of hot potato called Shadow Lord Iskar wasn’t that bad, and it had stuck fear in us since the PTR. There were two fights however that provided a…small road bump. Tyrant Velhari was an obvious sign when we first reached her that our gear and dancing tank skills were just not ready. The other was Xhul’horac. Deeply, deeply distressing. Never mix purple and green. Teach it to your kids. Teach it to anyone who doesn’t manage to run away when talk to them in the street.

Resurrected Mannoroth (please dude you got nothing on Onyxia) turned out to be a pushover after dealing with Xhul-horac, and so we finally made it to the last boss of the expansion, Archimonde 2.0. Now this was a proper end boss. Mechanics included homing green carpet fire, purple circles of don’t-hug-your-friend doom, zap-zap laser beams, run away from the bondage chains, portals for sacrificial lambs. Oh and various adds of all shapes, creeds and flavours. This guy even had phase changes inside phase changes!

But once again, as with Garrosh Icecream in SoO, we managed to get Archimonde down well in advance of Patch 7.0, by in large due to a ridiculously overpowered legendary ring. We even had time to get enough kills of Archimonde to upgrade the ring to max (and in the process get a flying moose from Return to Oz to boot), and take some time off to prep before the Legion began their advances. 6 months later.

Legion I am, many we are.
(Yoda’s secret audition for the part of Sargeras. Apparently they were going “in a different direction.”)

And so Garrosh escaped…wait wrong expansion *cough*

And so Gul’dan escaped through the AC/DC Portal to Azeroth, and managed to hobble all his way to the Broken Isles, capture Illidan in his Metapod form, help install the Legion Invasion force and participate in the death/explosive combustion of a leader or two. Convenient what the fel cripple can do when you need to release a new expansion.

And now with the Legion practically on our doorstep, we will pull out all the stops. Delete our multistrike gear. Re-vamp classes and specs to unrecognisableness…except Destro. Hunt down renowned heroes and kill them for their weapons! Because while they may be the Legion, we are the Alliance, and we are many!


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Re: Retired Guild history

Post by Phaeton » 14 Sep 2012, 14:34

Did you remember your passport...

“I caught my breath, having washed ashore from the shipwreck. Unfamiliar sands and a foreign vista. As I gathered my bearings I began to realise that I was not alone. Slowly, it approached from the shadows, black and white, with a flicker of intelligence in its eyes. Still, I readied my blade in anticipation. Then it spoke, in a voice that haunts me still... “Sup brah, ‘ere on your jollies?”

Excerpt from the diary of a generic Stormwind soldier sent once again on yet another suicide mission...

After the stressful ordeal of vaporising Deathwing and ensuring that the remaining Aspects could no longer assist in raid encounters, thereby ushering in the ‘Age of what do you mean you can’t save us during Phase changes’, we decided it was finally time for a vacation. Destination? Pandaria!

The brochures advertised golden sands, a wide selection of local beer and a relaxing, balanced stay. As with most holiday packages however, things were not entirely as described. The beaches were overrun by extras from Jurassic Park, the local brewery had caved to a hostile takeover from the native monkey population, and they had failed to mention the slight bug infestation they were failing to contain. Though whoever gave the advice to build a wall around bugs that could mostly fly in order to contain them should be fired.

Thankfully as budding adventurers prepared for any occasion, we had managed to squeeze our weapons and armour into our carry-on luggage and quickly assembled for combat (with a few latecomers who missed the first flight and turned up a few tiers later.)

Seven Sha of Pandaria? More like we’ll knock seven colours of sh…

Mists of the Pandaren, Jin’yu, Hozen, Saurok, Mogu, Grummle, Mantid and Yaungol...
(the Equality screened and approved version of the expansion title under the Pandarian Humanoid Act 2013)

Tier 14 for a change presented us with a ‘starter’ raid instance, aimed at a lower ilvl to aid gearing up before tackling the other two when they were subsequently unlocked. Of course, you would have thought a starter instance would have had fewer issues... Trying to convince people to not fire chain each other to death, no matter how kinky it sounded. Having to adjust the Feng strategy every time due to our increasing dps output. Avoiding having a stroke while manually assigning the groups on Gara’jal before Phae found an addon that did it for us. Encountering a brick wall at Elegon due to some peoples lack of gear, (I’m looking at you *REDACTED*) though a week or two of LFR runs and boom, celestial dragon julienne. Polishing off our dancing skills for the first time since Naxxramus. And that was all just in the first instance!

Exhausted, we progressed through the Heart of Fear at a steady pace until Amber Shaper. Ugh. Reminiscent of Staghelm in Firelands, as the token encounter on 25 man for the tier, that just oozed the potential for rage quits by having to rely on a randomly assigned debuff for a make or break mechanic. After providing a bit of haxx using 3 tanks, Amber Shaper was more Amber Puddle and we finally got our Empress Kill to unlock the Terrace of Endless Spring. The hardest part of ToES was navigating the maze-like terrain as thankfully the bosses were walkovers compared to Amber Shaper. Such a pity the instance was locked behind the Empress Kill as it delayed us just long enough to miss out on our chance to kill the Sha of Crayola in time for the Feat of Strength. But no matter, onwards to the Isle of Thunder!

Tier 15 brought us to the legendary Isle of Thunder (cue audience ‘Ooooh’), stronghold of Lei-Shen, the master of lightning bouncy balls of doom. A raid reminiscent of Ulduar in terms of size and mechanics, though maybe not quite as shiny. Noble and moral adventurers that we are, we set forth and mullered a small population of trolls, butchered the local wildlife (dinosaurs, turtles and floating eyeballs included) and even disassembled a small army of psychotic robots bent on projectile vomiting red goop on anything in sight. Apart from a few one-shot encounters (hello Twin Consorts) and others that required a more…Retired approach (Dark Animus how I hate thee), Lei-Shen proved a more than capable end tier boss, including many lightning themed mechanics that were lethal when ignored, but engaging when followed. With Lei-Shen defeated, we carved his heart out and fed it to a child. Hey don’t judge! Lei-Shen stole it in the first place!

Throughout the expansion, there was a subtle backstory that could have been easily missed, revolving around Garrosh’s descent into raid boss territory. Lo and behold, during Tier 16 we turned our eyes away from Pandaria (leaving it bare and stripped of its original beauty) to Orgrimmar (in all its dusty orange glory…) setting the scene of the final showdown for the expansion. Here both sides banded together to oust Garrosh from his seat of power, and finally vanquish the Horde once and for all…wait what do you mean Vol’jin takes over? Dammit Varian!

As with every tier there was the usual share of problems. Short enrage timers (Norushen), every mechanic in the book (Dark Shaman) and a T-Rex (seriously, how the hell did he manage to smuggle Thok and the snail (henceforth known as…Daisy) into Orgrimmar without any problems?). As always, each tier is required to provide a fight that steals your soul just a little each time you attempt it with less than 25 people. Thok proved more than adequate. His cries pile on the damage as they speed up. If the healing was high enough to keep us alive, dps would be a problem. Eventually though we fed Barney to Daisy, made short work of the goblin mechanic extraordinaire and the locust tag-team and moved swiftly on to Garrosh. Mechanically easier than Lei-Shen, the main problem with Garrosh was how long the encounter took. Having a flawless P1 and 2 to then wipe on empowered adds or MCs on P3 quickly ate up time. But with perseverance and a whole bunch of overgearing, we got our kill. We needn’t have worried however about defeating him before the end of the expansion. Officially the longest tier ever, and over 10% of WoWs entire lifespan (/facepalm), I for one am glad we could spend so long with the orcs as I feel they are underrepresented in the lore. /sarcasm off

Warlords of Draenor (Disclaimer – Orcs may or may not be involved)…

‘Kairoz gave me a cookie today, he sure is nice. His hair’s so shiny. All I had to do was let him in to see Garry! Wonder does he have any more…’ Soldiers Log - Final entry of Officer Damson

And so Garrosh escaped, mainly through the ineptitude of his jailer but also possibly as a story device, nullifying a large portion of people’s hard work over the last year or so. Through a script stolen from Doctor Who, Garrosh travelled back in time to Draenor changing the outcome of the infamous shindig where someone spiked the punch with demonic blood, creating an alternate Draenor timeline. This amazing paradox also rewrote history, wiping out any existence of reforging and the infamous hit/expertise stats, along with destroying the exponential growth curve for gear that has existed since TBC. And now we face the Iron Horde, at a fraction of our previous power with added cast times, and we must not falter! We must succeed! Why? Because the Draenei have new lore!

Background pandaria map by Breathing2004

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Re: Retired Guild history

Post by Phaeton » 12 Oct 2014, 22:01

Once again we enter the fray...

“So once upon a time there was like this big dragon. And, like, this big dragon made a massive hole in the ground. And rocks and like other stuff went *whoosh*, *bang* and more onomatopoeia. “

Quote from Clangeddins new autobiography – ‘My way or I’ll /gkick you – How I dealt with the Cataclysm.’

When we returned from our winter holiday to Northrend (was a bit dead…har har..), we were greeted by a horrifying sight. No...not more naked dwarves…that’s an entirely different sin on its own. Deathwing had decided to take out his pent up frustrations, at not actually being much of a present nemesis, out on our dear Azeroth. Ironically, the destruction he wrought opened up new areas that were previously inaccessible like Uldum, as we didn’t know it was there….or the Twilight Highlands and Hyjal…that we were clearly just too lazy to fly to.

With an insane aspect apparently on our tails, and the elemental lords getting itchy feet, we once again buckled, geared and potted up. This was the time that changed the world as we knew it, and we were not prepared to sit and wait for ‘Stood in the Fire’ to *bling* up on our screens. We were taking the fight, quite literally, to Deathwing himself.

The low down...

As with WOTLK, we were adamant to maintain our status as a 25 man raiding guild. Unfortunately, and frankly, changes that were made to the raid lockout system and loot meant that 25-man raiding has significantly dropped out of favour among raiders. The benefits of raiding 25-man all but vanished, and for the hordes that were only interested in the loot, they too watered down their experience and settled for 10 man.

However we persevered. The realization that even when we didn’t have enough for 25-man, the people we did have were here because their ideal, along with us, was to continue as 25. It hasn’t been easy. Blizzard are unwilling to wake-up to the facts and figures and we don’t know how Mists of Pandaria will affect 25-man raiding, it could even be the death knell entirely for it. But for now we hold our heads high as we continue on, even in the knowledge we sometimes sacrifice progress, and we do it because we aren’t quitters. Also, unlike some 10 man guilds, we have balls.

Survived the Cataclysm we did...

All in all, the Cataclysm was a breeze. The biggest hurdle encountered, as with all 25 man guilds no doubt, was progression in the face of lacking numbers. Sometimes there was even a situation where recruiting cannon fodder like Swipi (CAN HAZ CLUSTERZ!!one!) or Azean (…wait he’s still here isn’t he…) wasn't a solution.

Things started swimmingly during Tier 11; oversubscription to raids, a fairly nice rate of progression and some interesting fight mechanics, like healers actually having to try during Chimaeron, or Vamera having to try moving during Atramedes. We even experienced the joy of killing Nefarion and Onxyia again, again…again? We’ll skip over the uncertainty that was the Throne of the Random Stat Loot though. Let’s be honest, however much you channel Prince of Persia style prettiness, it brought out some of our older raiders in cold sweats waiting for ‘-of the Owl’ to drop.

Tier 12 brought us orange bosses, with orange mechanics, on an orange land. Firelands was a bit of a hurdle on two fronts. It hit during summer which essentially forced us into a brick wall with Staghelm. Mechanics on the fight proved brutal on 25 man if you were even missing one or two people, so until numbers picked up slightly after the summer, we had to rely on, and thank, the raiders who persevered until we defeated Ragnaros again again. Also of note, we lost both our Guild Leader Illiam and one of our Officer team Rurik to the renowned WoW-killer SW:TOR. (Hehe sorry I even smiled while writing that, does the game feel out of beta yet?). WoW-killer it was not, Arathor still is reeling from the total of 12 people who swapped to SW:TOR, but we still wish them the best while they enjoy it and hope one day they can experience content without bugs too.

After holding a random lottery to find a replacement Officer, 2nd place prize winner Nikata took up the mantle, a decision she surely regrets now but we have her under contract for 12 years. Unfortunately 1st place prize winner Corpsefire was unable to take up his position, what with leaving for another server and all. *tears up*


Starring in order from left to right, Aurica “I’ve ran out of ideas...something about healing”, Nikata “I’ve got 203/200 possible companion pets”, Clangeddin “I’ve bound 13 buttons to Heroism”, Ryoko “I typ ewith m yelbows...elbowz*...elboz*...fukkit” and Phaeton “I’ll transmog your face into a bow”

And finally we finished off the expansion with Tier 13. Ah Northrend, how we missed you. Dragon Soul provided some of the most challenging raid mechanics we have seen as a guild. Like moving, bouncing a ball, learning the colours of the rainbow, standing in a line and clicking a button (OH DEAR GOD CLICK THE GODDAMN BUTTON!) 10 months in and nearly everyone has mastered counting down from between 4 and 9 seconds. But none of those hurdles stopped us from finally defeating Deathwing in his hideous corrupted form (oh so that’s why no old god this expansion, all the tentacle budget went on him eh?) once and for all!!eleven! This has been a long tier, while shorter than Icecrown Citadel, there was no encounter with a Twiglet Dragon to break the monotony. But shock! Horror! There is new content literally on the horizon, and while we all have suffered a severe bout of amnesia and forgotten all but 15 talents, the ability to use prime glyphs and head enchants, we set forth for some adventure-ism...

The Damp Mists of Pandaria...

Adding the word damp into a sentence really ruins the mood. Anyhoo, due to important lore reasons, we have recently discovered the mysterious southern continent of Pandaria! (We suck at being adventurers btw, have we ever discovered anything with it not being accompanied by some large scale disasterific event? Scourge Invasion? Cataclysm?) And so we will soon be getting our panda shuffle dance on and setting forth for the Sha infested shores of Pandaria! Weather forecast? Balmy.

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Re: Retired Guild history

Post by Phaeton » 26 Aug 2016, 20:19

The story so far...

During our expeditions across the frosty continent of Northrend, from the depths of Scholozar Basin to the heights of Storm Peaks, Retired still managed to retain its direction in reason, raiding and reforging of legendary weapons. Most importantly however, we kept together as much as friends, than just avid gamers.

Throughout the expansion, we managed to sustain our 25 man raids up until the very end; even throughout the onslaught that was ToC (admirable mechanics, same bloody room) and ICC (the shine begins to wear off after an entire year spent inside...). The leadership morphed slightly as people took their various breaks, but by in large the camaraderie that formed in TBC endured WOTLK too.

That's not to say we didn't acquire any new faces over the course of the last few years. As always the recruitment for Retired is quite unique; people who know what they are doing, but also have some form of a personality. While other people fell trap to the gear-score phenomena, we stacked (the now defunct) defence rating and remained immune to its critting effects.

Starring the Officers of Retired in order from left to right: Rurik the Warrior of Cleaveshire, Ryoko the Silent Ninja Asassin auch aye the noo, Clangeddin of the name thats a mouthful, Aurica the Battle Resurrected, Phaeton the Gunslinger of Dwarfdom and Illiam the...umm crow-bear.

Where it all began...

Many of the members of Retired were once proud members of Lightning Strikes Twice, an Arathor guild. Following the unfortunate demise of LST which occurred early 2007, Seyler and Apacs decided to start up a new guild with the intention of giving the lost and disheartened ex LST members a new place to call home. This place was Retired, and it became a warm and welcoming place where players could continue to live peacefully amongst others they had grown to call their friends.

The initial intentions of Retired were somewhat simple, a place to call home where members could group up with familiar faces and be protected from those who take pride and pleasure in spoiling other peoples evenings. This initial vision of the guild is still very true to this day. By July 2007 Retired was clearing Karazhan every reset with very few problems if any at all, and so it began its journey back into the larger raid scene.

By the end of TBC, Retired had vanquished Vashj, caused Kael-thalas’ a set-back, put an end to Archimond's tyranny, and were steadily progressing through the Black Temple before being rudely interrupted by the mega-nerf that preceded the oncoming Wrath of the Lich King.

Illidan was promptly mooshed shortly after, with the raiding force pushing ever forwards to Northrend and into the relocated Naxxramus. For some this was a nostalgia trip, others it was their first time ever experiencing the instance. Kel’Thuzad was laid to rest...again again, and Malygos was put out of his misery. Over the course of the next couple of years, we achieved shutting Yogg-Sarons many mouths by stuffing several shards with orange text down his throat, endured the mental torture of ToC and most noticeably, put an end to Arthas’ reign of the Frozen Throne...with time to spare for a party at the Twiglet Dragon’s bachelor pad.

Only one challenge remained to our stalwart heroes, The Gauntlet of the WTFQQSLOWGHOSTGRYPHON. Unfortunately, many perished but none will be forgotten.

Surviving the Cataclysm...

And so now, the Shattering has torn the world as we knew it asunder. And as we face the prospect of overcoming Deathwing and the most likely exposure of another Old God (most likely formed of either a nose or many ears this time), we prepare ourselves... food buff, flask up, and ready check!

Does Retired sound like the place for you?

Retired has been and will continue to be committed to being particularly careful when it comes to recruitment, ensuring that any new members, social or raider, feel comfortable within their new surroundings, whilst also reinforcing the original values of the guild. This methodology has kept us alive and stable since early TBC and is what has allowed us to survive the Wrath of the Lich King, when so many other guilds fell to their knees.

If you're a mature and friendly person who's been playing Warcraft for a while, then you may be a player Retired are looking for. Take a look around the Recruitment forum for more information, you'll find the Application Template there. Should you decide to leave an application, be sure to fill it out as plentiful as possible. The more information we are given the easier is it for us and the better it is for you!

Thanks for taking the time to check out our website and showing an active interest in Retired.